Eulogy - Delivered on December 16, 2020 - Rose Hills Memorial Park, Whittier, CA

I miss mom.

I miss her enthusiasm. Her optimism. Her sass. Her love. Her steadfast efforts to keep us connected to our Chinese traditions.

She was hopeful. And she was curious and eager.

Whether it was new food, new friends, new sights, new sounds...just about anything, her heart and her mind were wide open to connecting and making each adventure, large or small, part of her life's experience.

One of my favorites things was to share these moments with her - whether it was taking her to a new restaurant or an art museum - I loved seeing the world through her eyes. She asked fun questions and her joy was infectious.

Art museums in particular were always a good time with mom, but often had a dash of stress to keep things interesting. She had a funny urge to make the art experiential whether the artist intended or not. This meant us often whispering red-faced apologies to anxious staff eyeing my mom who was too close, or god forbid, had even touched the art. But it was just her way. She was so swept up in the moment, so engaged, she wanted physical contact.

I'll miss the feeling of slight surprise upon learning about yet another stranger who helped my mom. I had always been so wary of her easy trust in her fellow humans, but she nearly always picked right. The kindness of strangers was a natural part of her life. 

A classic mom story happened one of the last times she dropped by our house. We live on a long, narrow, winding street where turning around can be tricky. She drove past our house and needed to turn around. I'm not sure why but she didn't pick a driveway, she just picked a spot in the road between parked cars. Well, she got stuck. Back and forth, back and forth she maneuvered her little car. She just couldn't do it. She was so flustered and then a car showed up and was waiting for her to complete the u-turn so he could pass. The driver, witnessing her dilemma, tried to help by directing her. Finally she got out of her car and asked if would get behind the wheel to make the u-turn for her. And he did. And then they were both on their way.

My mom was laughing so hard as she told me this tory. She was just about crying. She said she was embarrassed and laughing the entire time she was trying to make that u-turn. I asked if the other driver was mad she was taking so long and blocking him. She said no, he was laughing too.

I like to think that people sensed her natural joy and humor, and gravitated to it.

I miss laughing with her. I miss being able to call my mom with good news. I miss her being there and giving me advice if I or my kids felt ill. I'll miss her annual turnip cakes for Chinese New Year, and winter melon soup for Winter Solstice. I'll miss teasing her when she would tell us how full she was while putting another chopstick full of food into her mouth. I'll miss hearing her call me by my Chinese name and asking where I am and if I've eaten.

I miss the way she loved my kids so fierce. I miss sending photos and videos of them to her. Only she shared my mama-level enthusiasm and infatuation with my babies.

I'll miss bearing witness to the special connection that she had with Luca. For seven years, he was the little prince in her life she got to dote on with all the love a PoPo can muster. They created so many memories together. I'm grateful some were made when he was old enough to remember.

Maybe a week or two after mom passed, Luca said, "I wish PoPo met Chiara." I was confused and responded, "But she did. Don't you remember?" Luca then clarified that he wishes they met when Chiara was old enough to remember.

So I think what I'll miss and regret the most is the future and relationship she never had with Chiara. The second grand baby she craved so much and had plans to hold close and watch grow. Before Mom's diagnosis, several weeks into quarantine, she kept saying how regretful she was to be missing out on Chiara's baby months. We would FaceTime with her nightly and I held the camera up close to show her Chiara's rapidly plumping limbs and rubber band wrists. "I just want to feel her skin, give her a squeeze," she would say. She ached to hold this baby and I reassured her there would be time.

Toward the end she told me she wasn't afraid of dying but her one big regret was leaving us, her daughters and her grandkids. Not seeing them grow. I know she could feel my sadness. She told me not to worry about her. I told her, "How could I not? You're my mom." I'm not worried anymore but I'm so, so sad. Also though I'm grateful she is no longer suffering. And so grateful for the 70 years she was on this planet and the 43 years I got to be her daughter. I'm the lucky one. Thank you Mommy. I love you always.

China 2015

instagram: #elsiemeetschina



















So many feelings about China. Some deeply personal. Some cliché. It's a wondrous, amazing, staggeringly complex place. I felt fortunate to have gone and even more fortunate to have traveled there with my mom. Also, I ended up giving my mom my shoes on this trip.

There is a wishing tree that sits on the grounds of the temple my uncle built for his village. My mother told me a story about how construction workers saved and moved the tree to where it now stands. It seems to be flourishing and now also houses a flock of doves. Or maybe they are pigeons. I can't remember. Red ribbons of villager's wishes fluttered with the breeze, surrounded by the birds and so much bird poop. Such was my experience in China. So much beauty and hope, intermingled with so much, well, the opposite.


I took 1000+ photos. I managed to edit it down to 552 and uploaded to an album on my Flickr account.

Happy Mother's Day!

Today is my first Mother's Day. This will be my mom's 35th (my birthday is in July). This year, I'm a mom too and she's a grandmother!


My mom and me when I was about month old.


My mom and Luca at his one month Red Egg celebration just over a week ago.



Being a mom has been rad. It's been keeping me busy though. I hope to post more often in the coming days!

My Baby Shower

My sister and Betsy hosted a gorgeous Moroccan themed baby shower for me and Baby Lau Spina. It was a truly collaborative effort where nearly every touch was cozily personal, handcrafted by a caring friend. Shout outs in the event details at the bottom of this post.

Walking into the room for the first time was one of my favorite parts of the day. It took by breath away! The entire room was swathed in gorgeous jewel tones, flowers were arranged everywhere, there were paper lanterns strung about, Moroccan music was in the air and my girlfriends were ready to embrace me with warm hugs. I had collaborated on the theme and chose the invitations but was not privy to much else. I knew the "team" had been working really hard for weeks and it really paid off.



Guests left sweet and encouraging messages for me on homemade water colored cards, which were hung in a beribboned window decorated with photos of me in baby/childhood. Jenny even managed to put up messages from invitees who couldn't make it to L.A. Nora, Sergio's mom, sent an especially thoughtful message.



Jenny made a beautiful, touching speech that had everyone in tears.



We had a delicious lunch of homemade Indian food.



We played three really fun games.



The most hilarious was the belly measuring game where people had to guess the circumference of my belly by cutting a length of yarn. I think my mom was the most inaccurate of them all! She was over by nearly a foot! And my sister Jenny had second guessed herself and even added an extension to hers! Ha.



We cut into an incredible Moroccan inspired cake and then opened gifts.



They even managed to find Italian themed Chinese take-out boxes for the favors. I mean, how apropos is that?!?



I will cherish these memories! Thank you ladies for welcoming my baby into this world with so much love and beauty.

Full set of photos here: http://flic.kr/s/aHsjE7zwsU


The Details
Decor: Pom Poms - Jenny, Jennie, and Alpna. // Homemade paper lanterns - Liz. // Authentic Saris - Alpna's personal collection. // Floor cushion covers - Mom and Mo Ching. // Flower arrangements - Caitlin. // The location, real silverware and china - Susan. // Watercolor message cards - Diana D. // Low tables and cushions - Jennie // Diaper cake and generous use of her height to hang all the saris - Betsy. // Serving ware - Caitlin, Alpna, Susan. //
Games: Who knows Mother to be best? Guess the belly circumference. Baby animal names. - Betsy and Jennie
Food: Homemade Indian. Also her personal Masala Chai tea recipe! - Alpna with Jennie as sous chef.
Cake: Homemade Moroccan inspired orange blossom cake with fresh squeezed blood orange custard and MY NEW FAVORITE CAKE EVER! - Rebecca.
Favors: Nan Katthai (indian biscuit with cardamom) - Alpna
Photography - T. Nicole Photography - Sponsored by Amy

I'm sorry ladies if I missed anyone or anything! I'm going off memory here and it really isn't all that reliable these days.

Terracotta Warriors at the Bowers Museum

We brought Mom to see this exhibit just before they left. We saw it the previous time the exhibit was in town (2008) as well but she doesn't remember! It was a really good exhibit. I remember the last time it was way too long with too many items to look at. And it was crowded. The entire experience was overwhelming.

This time, we we went early -- right when the museum opened -- and everything had been edited down to the most superb examples. The one relic my mom was most looking forward to was the sacred boxes that Buddha's finger bone rested in. The entire exhibit was fascinating. Afterward, we had lunch al fresco at Tangata, the museum restaurant.

Realistically I'm not sure I would drive all the way back down to Santa Ana for this museum. But if they have another cool exhibit like this one, I would definitely make the effort.

From the Bowers Museum website:

"Follow this exhibition through the underworld empires of three of the most formative dynasties in Chinese history: the Qin, the Han and the Tang, each a high point of culture and technology, looked back to with pride by Chinese people and admired by others today. The treasures that accompanied China’s rulers and elites in the afterlife, and the spectacular gold and silver offerings placed in their temples, speak to the incredible accomplishments of an ancient culture whose descendants still live on today.

The exhibition features the famous life-size terra cotta warriors, protector of China’s first emperor Qin Shihuangdi, whose mausoleum complex is considered the eighth wonder of the world. Newly excavated, the painted garments and armor are clearly visible thanks to new conservation techniques. Smaller in scale but equally impressive are some of the more than 40,000 smiling terra cotta warriors from the imperial tomb compounds of Han emperors Gaozu and Jingdi. They are presented in combination with concubines, animals and a multitude of objects that insured a lavish and comfortable afterlife.

The royal and elite tombs from the Tang Dynasty were stocked with riches clearly tied to the trade of exotic goods along the Silk Road. Dazzling gold ornaments, tomb guardians, a mural depicting a game of polo and many other luxuries illustrate the taste of Tang elites and the era’s connection with the West. And, for the first time in the United States, come gold, silver and gemstone treasures deposited into the treasure-crypt of the Famen Monastery by six Tang Dynasty emperors and China’s only female emperor Wu Zhao. This important Buddhist site, sealed in 874 of the Tang Dynasty and rediscovered in 1987, was founded with the fragment of the historical Buddha’s finger bone. The reliquaries associated with the sacred relic are part of this exhibition."

Full photoset here.