Tuesday, March 17, 2015

I Choose Ice Cream

I am not the kind of mom who always makes homemade meals. This is a loaded statement because it's not really just about the meals. It has taken me quite some time to admit this to myself. I love to cook actually. I also once relished menu planning and being imaginative with what's left in the pantry or lingering ingredients from the fridge. I love the idea of a fresh vegetable and herb garden, dinner at the table every night, with wholesome, healthy plates of food in front of everyone. But that is not me. I just cannot do all of the following at the same time: manage my full-time corporate job, make scratch meals on schedule, keep a guest-ready house, be social in real life, be a good mom/wife/daughter/sister/friend/catlady/human, keep up with my earth loving ways, find creative outlets, marvel at the magic of my child's growth, make travel plans, satisfy a curiosity for that new cafe/restaurant/shop, exercise, sleep. My internal dialogue about it was getting kind of rough. Other people totally do! With multiple kids even! And not just for Instagram. I swear, they do in real life. They have super powers! That harsh eye of comparison is a total buzzkill, right? 

Luca at Don's Auto Repair by Bonnie Tsang
And it's not like  becoming a mom suddenly made me lose my mojo. I've always been fairly lazy about a lot of things, slightly slovenly even. Whatever. I'm totally into the concept of good enough and really,  reframing it as GREAT enough. Because I'm super grateful and all that jazz. And it's not like I'm going to stop trying, full stop. I just need to stop pretend-striving for what I don't really want. Because who has that kind of time? Or energy? Not this lady.

Typical evening: I get home from work around 645-7. Sometimes later. Hopefully Luca has been fed already and I whip up something super quick for me and Sergio. We take turns eating as the other finishes feeding or plays with Luca. We start the bedtime routine around between 8-830. The nightlights are on and I'm kissing him goodnight by about 845-9. We really should be in bed by 10 but that only gives me and Sergio an hour to hang out. Instead we finish dinner, watch TV, talk. Sometimes Sergio has to work. And I'm in bed by about midnight. You see my dilemma, right?

Yeah sure, I could wake up extra early to have more time for stuff before work but really, I'd rather not. I'm terrible at mornings. But I really want to practice yoga again so maybe I have to. I guess I could squeeze it in after Luca has gone to bed...but I like watching TV with Sergio, and doing nothing. I choose to do nothing most of the time. Sometimes I'll do something that might spark a sustained change. But for the most part, I really like doing nothing at the end of the day.

It occured to me that Luca doesn't judge me for it so I shouldn't either.  I will never be that makery, crafty mom who cooks and cleans really well. I don't have him on all the right pre-school lists and I'm awful at setting up playdates. Instead, let's have a 30 minute dance session until we're out of breath, let's do jumping jacks together or pretend fly like airplanes all around the house. Or go on an adventure in Downtown or Ojai. Let's read your favorite book for the 1000th time, take lots of pictures, try out that new playground slide, taste that new ice cream flavor at Scoops. Yeah, Scoops is way more my speed.

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